round and round

Round and round and round we go, 
spinning and turning -
sometimes high and sometimes low,
round and round and round we go...

We sing this ditty as we circle tree trunks,
 arms flailing, feet shuffling, hop and skipping
we sing and squeal and shout
until we're out of breath, we pause
and he starts again -
chasing mama! more chasing!

we are not perfect mother and son
we frustrate with our limitations
we grumble after wakeful nights
we get sick, we loose our tempers
we get bored, we make messes -
we run circles around each other
we want more or less or something else

day to day life 
I'm learning is not so linear
for us in this season
it's more cyclical
the ups and downs 
the new starts and returns
the getting it right and missing it
round and round we go...

I've never been good
at self-care -
I give an ocean
and reserve a scant wave
for myself. Even saying that
makes me feeling ashamed
like I shouldn't think of my
needs at all -
and yet, and yet I must
because when I am
cared for - 
I am robust. 
I can't lift weights
or stand on my head 
but I can weather
the rounds, you know.

for me it's
saying no and maybe
it's sleeping long enough
it's helping plants grow
reading holy words -
and stretching my shoulders daily
it's letting sunlight touch my cheeks
 preparing food with my hands
and not rushing to savour it 
 it's conversation my lover
and books with my child
it's time away from screens -
thread and linen,
hot baths, embraces
long walks, prayers -

that boy and I
we are not perfect, 
no not even close. 
but we give the best cuddles -
we laugh and cry and adventure
run wonderful circles round the trees,
we learn to balance, learn to listen -
we wash, cook, craft and sit still too
we make the most of our time as best we can
we are just what each other needs. 

Thanks to my love Alex for the above photo - instagram-ed here