putting on mindfuless

I have really felt myself struggling lately,
and I think its a combination of things -

the heaviness of winter - skies that press down on my senses,
snow, that while beautiful, traps us indoors for long periods,
dark mornings, dark afternoons,

the knowing of what lies ahead - we have less than four months left here in france... and there's work to be done, de-cluttering and packing, travelling and returning, flying around the world home,

and the unknowing of what will come after that, when everything changes, and we piece together normalcy once more...

and I find myself a mixture of anticipation and foreboding,
joy and sadness,
just staring out of the window, staring into nothing,
refreshing my inbox for the twentieth time,
surfing the web for nothing in particular
eating when I'm not hungry, 
creeping inward, 
over analysing,

sometimes I move in flurry,
and other times I feel immobilised,

I want movement,
I want stillness,
I want to be mindful,

but its so hard sometimes
to let myself be contented in now,
present,

to say:
its true I am struggling with uncertainly,
I am lonely for conversation and sunshine,
but I am here, now, and there IS goodness,
there IS blessing,

I have a beautiful child,
I want to be mindful of him.
I have a loving husband,
I want to be mindful of him.
I have a warm house
I want to be mindful of it
I have wholesome food to eat
I want to be mindful of it.
I have a Spirit of grace
I want to be mind of it.
I have a healthy body
I want to be mindful of it.
I have creative hands
I want to be mindful of them.
I have a garden of snow
and I want to be mindfull of it.
I have a constant loving Father
and I want to be mindful of Him.
Especially mindful of Him.
Amen.